Why.....

I can never really understand those moments. When i want to tell you something which will comfort you, soothe you, and all you do is turn away, with a caustic remark or an acidic rejoinder.
Then you remind me how i bore you, ceaselessly keep telling you things that you think are utterly useless. Then you remind me how I keep getting you irritated and how you need time alone - just to be with yourself, cool off that anger of yours.

But how is it that just some days ago, you were so happy talking to me...listening to me and now you just answer in monosyllables, as if you are hoping the conversation would end as soon as possible.

Maybe I am old fashioned. Maybe i dont understand what you need sometimes. Maybe I am a bit too emotional. Or maybe, i am really irritating.

Maybe....
But what is an absolute certainty, is that you wont get another person who will love you as dearly, as completely as i will. Yes i do overdo it sometimes, but i dont do it conciously. Its just that i dont want you to have any problem; i dont want you to undergo any physical pain or suffering when i am not there. With you.

Yes i do wish that i protect you like a baby. Keep you safe and warm. I know thats not too pragmatic, but thats how it is.

Thats how it will be.

Period.

Life

Its funny how some things which you wish would not come true, finally do come true.
Its funny how you realise that everyone is human after all, that the idea one has of persons, situations, circumstances is so momentary. Like a drop of water, it just dries up before you know it. But the cool sensation remains afterwards.
Life has to move on....
I guess there is no use writing much about what i am feeling right now since it really is serving no purpose.
The only thing that is keeping my brain cells from falling to sleep is this - how life teaches you slowly but surely, that in the end, what matters is the love between two people.

Everything else is secondary.

Oh and one more thing - was thinking about this the other day.
That in the end all of us are losers.
L O S E R S
seems pathetic, pessimistic doesnt it ?
well it is. we die. we go back to the elements. and in doing that we lose everything we strive to gain in this life.

How ironic.
Life is really...

Everything fades to black...eventually

There is this school of thought which propounds that everything is bright at the end .... that evry thing has a reason for it to be happening to someone, that everything turns out to be good in the end, the ends justify the means....so on and so forth.

But has it ever happened to you when you just want to throw it all away and run. Run just run, like a maniac, till the blood in my feet bursts out of the soles, till my head spins...
Thats exactly what i feel these days.
Days of college coming to an end....the 'independent' 'corporate' life waiting round the corner, the lonely days without her beside me, of not being able to smell that perfume, the freshness of her eyes, her countenance; another thousand tests to prove myself to another person, to show him that i am worth the money he is spending on me.
Ironic ?
Struggle called life ?
Hard work is the key ?
Fucking bullshit.

Thats life probably.

Forever and Always

Have this picture of you

In my eyes, in front of me,

Reach out to it every now and then,

Kiss it; make myself believe you are there,

When all I want to do is love you,

All day,

All night,

Every day.

But all I have is this picture,

In my eyes, in front of me,

They said love would be difficult,

They said love would test you,

Bend you, fill you,

With happiness, joy,

I sit up; brush aside all the thoughts,

Clogging my mind,

Filling me with despair,

That every passing day would bring me,

Closer to that end,

That end of time,

With you beside me.

Time will pass,

Things will change,

We will change,

Our thoughts, opinions,

Our distances,

Everything.

But the one thing that drives me,

That keeps me ready,

To face the end,

Is the thought of you,

Beside me,

With me.

Always.

I know that day will come,

The wait is all that is needed,

To keep going,

With a meaning and purpose in life,

That meaning, my dear is you.

I don’t think anymore,

I look at your picture,

Smiling at me,

Calling me, those hands,

Colours, beautiful colours,

Of your eyes, lips, skin,

Captivating, like an angel’s.

Then suddenly,

I find myself smiling too.

Because I now know,

What it means to love,

To give, to make you happy,

I bend my back, pour over

The books lying in front of me.

The time is now,

To make you happy,

To have that vision,

To build that future.

That I dream of,

That I want to have, with you beside me.

Have this picture of you,

In front of me,

Smiling at me.

I wake up, from slumber,

Dreaming of you.

I smile at you,

Get up, sit down to work,

For that day,

That future,

That tomorrow,

To come.

The music fills me,

Intoxicating,

I lunge for the picture,

Kiss it, feel that you are there,

With me, watching me,

Scolding me, loving me,

Love every moment of it,

As I dream, work,

With your thoughts, the books,

Nothing will be the same anymore,

Nothing will fill me with despair,

As I pour over the work,

And keep telling myself,

Loving you,

Has been the best thing

That happened, to me,

I finally close my eyes,

With you in my dreams, in my eyes.

You, all of you,

The smile, the frown,

It doesn’t hurt anymore,

For I know,

I have your love,

Forever and always.

Out Of Life

Home but away,

From the feelings that hold sway,

Over my heart, my head,

Spinning out of control.

Asleep but drowning,

Don’t know where, don’t know how,

The darkness closes in,

Your smile blurs and glows.

Is it time,

Is it really ?

To break away,

To go astray,

Find another way,

Out of this mess,

I cant take the stress,

Want to run,

Want to burn,

Want to hide,

Want to take that last ride,

Out of this town,

Out of this place,

Out of Life.

The light hurts my eyes,

The smoke covers me,

Unconscious but listening,

To the last words you said.

Playing in my head

The red deepens,

The images blur,

Cant figure out the roads,

On the last ride with you,

I’ve got to see this through.

Is it time,

Is it really ?

To break away,

To go astray,

Find another way,

Out of this mess,

I cant take the stress,

Want to run,

Want to burn,

Want to hide,

Want to take that last ride,

Out of this town,

Out of this place,

Out of Life.

In Loving Memory

[Wrote this as i was listening to Alter Bridge - In Loving Memory...]

As I look back at my life gone by,

I cant help but stop and wonder,

The number of times I’ve fallen, and fumbled,

The number of times I have erred,

The number of times I’ve felt short of breath,

Helpless,

And then I close my eyes and see your face,

Smiling down on me,

Those eyes so clear,

Those hands so tender,

That heart so full of love,

So forgiving,

I wander in the dark,

The cold biting in my face,

But I feel the warmth

From within,

The warmth of the lady I love,

The warmth of her bosom,

Pressed against my chest,

The man in me wants you,

Craves for the love,

The touch, the lips, the eyes, the softness,

I open my eyes,

The world is still dark,

The road still empty,

The world still so imperfect but perfect,

But somewhere in that darkness,

Even though every cell in my body misses you

I feel safe,

I feel loved,

I am Happy.

Want you baby,

For ever and ever,

Till the reaper comes

And sucks out the life from me…